Another month or so has flown by and, despite being online more and more, I realise that updating the blog has rolled further down the action list.  I, like so many others, have been seduced by the relative ease and immediacy of Facebook and seem to spend an inordinate amount of time “hanging out” there - finding old friends and commenting, usually cynically, on their lives.  However, I do realise that there is no real value in this (despite the possibility of a real-life meet of people who should know better, considering they started in senior school 25 years ago).

Life carries on apace, with the general highs and lows that we all experience.  I am slowly finding it easier to go out, have fun and laugh - something that I thought, at certain points of 2007, would take much longer to achieve.  In fact, in so many ways, life is good at the moment.

There is a thrill to being single, but without my old armour (engagement ring, wedding ring and, latterly, eternity ring), the bar scene can be quite terrifying.  Those sad sorts (body odour, bad teeth, alcohol breath, etc, etc) who pray on women of a certain age who appear single can no longer be easily swatted away by raising a left hand.  Now, in order to avoid any trouble, more humourous and delicate methods have to be employed and, after a couple of less successful attempts at this, the England v Wales rugby a few weeks ago (plus a night in Cardiff that went on far too late and ended in a scummy bar) saw me more than rise to the challenge.  Why don’t people understand that, if I wanted their company, I would in some way OBVIOUSLY encourage it - and not turn my back on them?  Ah, the greater joys, I suppose.

In saying all this, my return to a virgin state continues (if that is possible with the use of tampons and substitutes designed for fun).  For someone who managed, despite appearances, not to be that lacking in company during my teenage years, the sensibilities of near middle-age make the whole “dating” scene quite the minefield.  Ultimately, I suppose, the problem is I don’t actually want a relationship.   I want the ability to have an orgasm without having to expose my life, or that of those around me, to harm, upset or any of the constituent problems new relationships can bring.

In saying this, random, one night stands, are, for me anyway, no longer an option.  I need the control of being able to say no further, without the inherent problems that can be raised with someone that you’ve picked up an hour or two earlier and could go psycho at any moment.  I know that we all have the right to make that judgement at any time.  However, I am not naive enough to believe that this doesn’t ever result in a very messy outcome (and not in a good way!).
So, my quest continues.  The media would have you believe that having no-strings sex (a fuck-buddy in their parlance) is now an established norm.  If this is the case, it certainly hasn’t flitered out of the metropolitan areas - or not that I can see, anyway (any Google Earth maps showing directions to such individuals should be left in the comments box).  Of course, this isn’t helped when most of your friends are in long-term relationships and not despairing singletons, like yourself, happy to indulge in the odd night after a few drinks, without worrying about who might find out.  Damn them, damn them all!!

Anyway, today is lunch with the parents followed by a birthday party for a four-year old.  My needs will, therefore, return to the back-burner, simmering gently but without the possibility of boiling over.